{"id":1408,"date":"2023-10-24T03:59:21","date_gmt":"2023-10-23T19:59:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/2023\/10\/24\/inside-chinas-infamous-marriage-markets\/"},"modified":"2024-07-03T17:16:30","modified_gmt":"2024-07-03T09:16:30","slug":"chinas-infamous-marriage-markets","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/chinas-infamous-marriage-markets\/","title":{"rendered":"Inside China&#8217;s Infamous &#8220;Marriage Markets&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"<blockquote><p>If you live in China, you&#8217;ve probably heard about the marriage markets (\u76f8\u4eb2\u89d2- Xi\u0101ngq\u012bn ji\u01ceo). My friend and I decided to visit one to investigate. So, we went to Zhongshan Park in Beijing, one of China&#8217;s largest marriage markets.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>If you live in China, you&#8217;ve probably heard about the marriage markets (\u76f8\u4eb2\u89d2-\u00a0Xi\u0101ngq\u012bn ji\u01ceo). My friend and I decided to visit one to investigate. So, we went to Zhongshan Park in Beijing, one of China&#8217;s largest <a href=\"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/jobs?type=marketing\">marriage markets<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone\" src=\"https:\/\/media.hiredchina.com\/FlX-O2QJXrC7zQk51zzgdJ4Jn3rs?imageView2\/0\/format\/webp\/q\/75\" alt=\"Marriage Markets\" width=\"726\" height=\"484\" title=\"\"><\/p>\n<p>After paying the 3 RMB entry tickets, we entered the park with an equal amount of excitement and doubt. Mostly everything we&#8217;d heard about the marriage market was from the internet. What if the market no longer exists? Actually, what if it had never existed? Maybe from the beginning, it\u2019s just a made-up story.<\/p>\n<div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_73 counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/chinas-infamous-marriage-markets\/#Understanding_the_Marriage_Markets\" title=\"Understanding the Marriage Markets\">Understanding the Marriage Markets<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/chinas-infamous-marriage-markets\/#%E2%80%9CBeijing_female_born_in_1981_165cm_accountant_for_a_national_company%E2%80%9D\" title=\"\u201cBeijing female born in 1981. 165cm,\u00a0accountant\u00a0for a\u00a0national company.\u201d\">\u201cBeijing female born in 1981. 165cm,\u00a0accountant\u00a0for a\u00a0national company.\u201d<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-5' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-5'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-5' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-5'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-5' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-5'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/chinas-infamous-marriage-markets\/#Every_one_of_them_would_start_with_the_same_question_Which_year_were_you_born\" title=\"Every one of them would start with\u00a0the\u00a0same question: Which year were you born?\">Every one of them would start with\u00a0the\u00a0same question: Which year were you born?<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Understanding_the_Marriage_Markets\"><\/span>Understanding the Marriage Markets<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>But it does exist, and we found it towards the deep end of the park, where we saw a long footpath and a crowd of people. This must be it! Unable to withhold our excitement, we ran towards the market.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"\" src=\"https:\/\/media.hiredchina.com\/Fh94RuFHtC1I0mZKdp2K0eQVBxSN?imageView2\/0\/format\/webp\/q\/75\" alt=\"5.jpg\" width=\"736\" height=\"491\" title=\"\"><\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou! You! Why are you taking photos? Show me what you just took!\u201d An angry female voice shouted at me. She grabbed my phone before I could react. The woman seemed to be in her 60s. She wore a slouchy, patterned polyester shirt, with nude nylon tights firmly pressed against her chubby ankles. \u201cDon\u2019t you know pictures are banned in our market? Delete what you just took!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Flustered, I deleted the pictures and walked away in a hurry. \u201cThese damn people, coming here just to mess around!\u201d I could hear her loudly complain as she sank back to her wooden portable chair.<\/p>\n<p>Damn it, this wasn\u2019t a good start. Holding tight to my iPhone, my palm was getting sweaty and my face was burning. I should have been more cautious and done some research before coming. My thoughts drifted as I walked deeper into the market, crossing stacks of A4-sized posters that are packed with details advertising single sons and daughters:<\/p>\n<h2>\u201cBeijing female born in 1981. 165cm,\u00a0<a target=\"_blank\" class=\"inside_link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/tag\/accountant\/\" title=\"View all posts in accountant\" >accountant<\/a>\u00a0for a\u00a0national company.\u201d<\/h2>\n<p>\u201cNever before\u00a0married\u00a0girl, born in 1989, master&#8217;s degree, working in local middle-school, decent income. Slim and\u00a0pretty,\u00a0loves arts. Looking for\u00a0kind\u00a0and\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/dictionary.cambridge.org\/dictionary\/english\/responsible\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">responsible<\/a>\u00a0guy born after 1980 who\u2019s over 175 cm tall. Beijing residency and with-house preferred.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSingle, Beijing residency, engineer of\u00a0national\u00a0real-estate company. Annual income over 300,000 RMB, owns apartment and car. Looking for\u00a0female\u00a0around 170cm\/55kg who&#8217;s kind, smart and healthy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u2026\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"\" src=\"https:\/\/media.hiredchina.com\/Fuu1mW3A6S8Y6Js39lPUbhHsMKWb?imageView2\/0\/format\/webp\/q\/75\" alt=\"1.jpg\" width=\"732\" height=\"488\" title=\"\"><\/p>\n<p>Browsing through the posters, I was soon lost in an ocean of information. Why do all these ads look the same? If the parents want their kids to stand out from the competitors in this market, shouldn&#8217;t they at least put in some effort to decorate the posters? Make them colorful! Add some sprinkles! Hang up some photos!<\/p>\n<p>But no one does this because the ultimate principle of marriage market is conformity, not individual expression.<\/p>\n<p>The parents who came here on this hot afternoon with their portable chairs, water bottles and A4 posters seem stuck to traditional Chinese cultural norms. Such norms include the belief that \u201ca child is supposed to obey the parents\u2019 order and follow the advice of matchmaker (\u7236\u6bcd\u4e4b\u547d \u5a92\u5981\u4e4b\u8a00)\u201d. Or that \u201cmen and women of age should be married (\u7537\u5927\u5f53\u5a5a \u5973\u5927\u5f53)\u201d.<\/p>\n<h5><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Every_one_of_them_would_start_with_the_same_question_Which_year_were_you_born\"><\/span>Every one of them would start with\u00a0the\u00a0same question: Which year were you born?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h5>\n<p>\u201cHi girl, which year were you born?\u201d A man tapped my shoulder and asked. \u201c1992,\u201d I answered, startled. \u00a0\u201cAh, that\u2019s a bit too young\u2026\u201d he sighed with pity, \u201care you from Beijing? What\u2019s your job? Would you consider a guy 10 years older than you?\u201d I studied him for a moment before digesting all the questions. He was certainly older than my dad, looking sweaty, tired, yet his eyes were filled with sparkles of hope. I couldn\u2019t just lie to a guy like this. \u201cSorry, I do have a boyfriend already.\u201d For some reason, I really did feel I owed him an apology.<\/p>\n<p>The man walked away after I turned him down. Over the course of the next hour, we were approached at least ten times by various moms and dads, all asking the same questions. After hearing our answers, the majority would walk away, yet some would linger to throw out more questions or comments to our face, pointing out opinions such as \u201cyoung ones like you two won\u2019t be steadfast enough for marriage! (\u5c0f\u59d1\u5a18\u5bf9\u5a5a\u59fb\u8fd8\u4e0d\u8e0f\u5b9e) \u201d and \u201cmy son wouldn\u2019t accept girls this young! (\u6211\u5bb6\u513f\u5b50\u63a5\u53d7\u4e0d\u4e86).&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>After hearing all these blunt comments, I felt like a stupid, puckered onion being brutally poked from the outside. I felt awkward and offended, and to cover it all up, I bowed my head even deeper down to carefully study the endless A4 posters lying around.<\/p>\n<p>The findings?<\/p>\n<p>1)\u00a0 There were significantly more daughters than sons being advertised.<\/p>\n<p>2) The majority of these bachelors and bachelorettes were born in the 1970-1980s.<\/p>\n<p>3) Almost all of them hold <a target=\"_blank\" class=\"inside_link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/tag\/jobs\/\" title=\"View all posts in jobs\">jobs<\/a> \u201cinside-the-system (\u4f53\u5236\u5185)\u201d, such as teachers, doctors\u00a0and\u00a0employees of state-owned enterprises.<\/p>\n<p>4) Local residency (\u6237\u53e3) and house ownership are super important. A father we talked to even mentioned that he didn&#8217;t put his son&#8217;s poster on the ground because he believes, as a Beijing-native, \u201che has the right to pick others in the market instead of being picked.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>5)\u00a0 But other things like appearance (height and weight), hobbies, occupations\u00a0and\u00a0personalities are important too. At the end of the day, match-making is an all-rounded game in which both sides assess each other based on the average score across fields, to hunt down\u00a0that \u201cnot-too-good-my-kid-can&#8217;t-handle\u201d other half.<\/p>\n<p>For the outside world, the marriage market seems like a pathetically lone\u00a0island. It\u2019s a disconnected, outdated and closed system, functioning under a set of unchanging rules that were only legitimized and cherished by its own islanders.<\/p>\n<p>We were most curious about one question though:\u00a0do the sons and daughters actually know their parents are here advertising for them?<\/p>\n<p>As it turned out, this question forced many of them into silence. \u201cMy son thinks marriage markets are outdated,\u201d said a woman with friendly, round eyes, \u201cso I never told him I come here. If I managed to find a suitable girl in the market I would add the girl\u2019s parent\u2019s WeChat, ask them to send some photos, and show them to my son without telling him that I found her here. I\u2019d just say she\u2019s the daughter of a colleague or something.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>On the way out of the marriage market, I bumped into a beautiful young girl who, after a quick eye-contact, I identified as another outsider. Like the matchmaking parents would do with each other, we started chatting:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSo what do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cInsane, the people here are insane! Some came to grasp me and asking all sorts of weird personal questions, I had to escape out like a clumsy idiot!\u201d She was clearly still trembled by the experience.<\/p>\n<p>I couldn\u2019t be more emphatic. for the outside world, the marriage market seems like a disconnected, outdated and closed system. Everything here self-justifies, everyone here knows their purpose; no room for outside interference, no need for \u201cthis-is-wrong-why-are-you-still-doing-this-for-your-grown-up-adult-kids\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>That being said, as weird as it sounds, there is also the paradoxical beauty of China&#8217;s marriage market. When you are actually inside, with your sweat and emotions completely devoted\u00a0to that situation, things actually make sense. These parents are the generation of Chinese that still believe in the broken belief-system; no matter how much \u201cadvanced\u201d ideologies like individualism, personal rights\u00a0and\u00a0gender equality have swept by the society, they still couldn\u2019t and wouldn\u2019t let go of the narrative that they can deem who is most suitable for their children.<\/p>\n<p>Call them absurd, redundant or old, yet in the end, they are just like every generation of us in the society &#8211; the product of social, cultural and political constructions of our own times, unconscious, insecure, yet full of timeless self-pride.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"If you live in China, you&#8217;ve probably heard about the marriage markets (\u76f8\u4eb2\u89d2- Xi\u0101ngq\u012bn ji\u01ceo). My friend and I decided to visit one to investigate. So, we went to Zhongshan &#8230;","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[939,60,306,29,559],"class_list":["post-1408","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news","tag-accountant","tag-china","tag-hiredchina","tag-jobs","tag-marketing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1408","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1408"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1408\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11843,"href":"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1408\/revisions\/11843"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1408"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1408"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.hiredchina.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1408"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}